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Trauma is a part of our lived experience. And when I say trauma, you likely don’t have to think deeply to identify what I mean by trauma. It’s those soul-crushing events that happened to us that never should have. It is also the things that should have happened to us but never did - messages you should have received as a child, the physical or emotional absence of a loving parent. Those experiences leave deep wounds in our minds and our nervous systems. We have learned how to cope with the pain we’ve experienced because we have to survive. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon that the coping mechanisms we have reached for do not serve us well long-term. In the field of mental health counseling, we refer to those strategies as maladaptive. Drinking to numb the pain, isolating from healthy social connections to self-protect, or engaging in risky behaviors to feel anything other than the internal breaking of our hearts are all examples of our bodies and minds trying to protect us. What if I told you that you’re not alone? We all are doing our best with what life has given us. You are doing the best you can. And yet, there’s hope for better. There’s hope for healing. Hope typically yields a positive or joyful connotation, but the hope I’m referring to is more profound and actualized. It is an invitation to heal. It’s an invitation to wade into the depths of our being, to learn a new way of living. To reconnect with our body and mind and explore how we engage with our world. Empirically-based clinical interventions, coupled with the support of a skilled mental health professional, offer a safe and empathetic environment to not only rediscover who you were before the trauma but also who you are after. You survived. You are in the present moment. Where in the past, parts of your story were written for you by others, you now hold the pen and are invited to continue your story with the best chapters waiting for you to write them. My deep belief is that your healing story will contain these simple yet powerful statements: "You’ve endured profound trauma and embraced healing. You’ve met harshness with tenderness, cruelty with kindness. Your healing story is seen, felt, and shared with others."

Rebuilding trust with your spouse can be a complicated process. Your porn addiction could leave your spouse feeling betrayed, hopeless, and devalued. As a result, restoring trust will require patience, empathy, and actions that back up your words. The good news is healing is possible.

Discovering your spouse has a pornography addiction may cause intense feelings of betrayal. As you try to wade through the life-shattering waters of your new reality, you may feel like you're drowning. At the same time, you may realize you have no idea what you need to feel whole again.